Finding Purpose Through Pain: My Journey from Depression to Running with community

In 2022, my life fell apart. My career crumbled, my relationship failed, I was evicted not once but twice, and my car was repossessed. At 38 years old, I felt like I had lost everything: my independence, my stability, and my sense of purpose. With nowhere else to go, I moved back in with my mother and family, carrying the heavy shame of believing I had failed in life.

I was drowning in depression, convinced I had no talent, no worth, and no reason to keep going. In that darkness, I made a suicide attempt. Somehow, I survived.

After that moment, I tried to rebuild, not only for myself, but also for my younger brother, who was fighting his own battle with depression. I thought if I could get my life in order, if I could lead by example, maybe I could give him hope. I tried everything: I started working on my fitness, I pushed myself to be better, and I did everything in my power to show him that life was worth living.

But sometimes, trying is not enough. On May 21, 2023, I lost my little brother to depression. No amount of love or effort could stop it. His death broke me all over again. For a moment, I felt like my own depression would consume me too.

At that time, I had just started running. I didn’t even know what VO₂ max was — I just knew running gave me something to hold onto. When I heard about the ARD 10km Vlei Race in Grassy Park, near my brother’s grave, I signed up. I wanted to visit him with proof that I had done something, anything, with my life. I finished the race in 51 minutes, held the small shield they gave me, and took it to his grave. I showed him that I was still here, still fighting.

From there, one race led to another. I joined Ommiedraai AC, then MLH and even pacing for Fullsend, became more involved in the running community, and slowly, people started noticing. I began receiving messages like, “Wesley, you are such an inspiration.” At first, I couldn’t believe it. Me? A 39-year-old call center worker with no degree, no big career, just a broken past? How could I inspire anyone?

But then it hit me: maybe if I had been the best version of myself earlier, my brother might still be here. Maybe he would have been running alongside me. I missed the chance to inspire him, but I’ve been given another chance — to inspire others.

Now, every time I lace up my shoes, I run with purpose. I run in honor of my brother. I run to remind myself and others that even through loss and heartache, we can find meaning. I run at maximum effort, because life is precious and every step matters.

I am 40 years old now. No, I am not where I thought I would be in life, but I am grateful for where I am. Running has given me purpose. It has shown me that even in brokenness, we can create something beautiful.

If you are reading this, I want you to know: it is never too late. You matter. You are not alone. And even in your darkest moments, there is still hope.